Exactly 4 weeks ago I returned home. In some ways, these 4 weeks have seemed longer than the 4 months spent whirl-winding around the Near and Far East. I frequently wake-up at night and think - was that really me? Was I really there? Did I really see all that? Did I really meet all those people?
Re-entry is an interesting process and while you can anticipate it, you can never plan for how you will respond. While there is much rejoicing with the reunion of family and friends, there is also a lot of mental, emotional and sometimes physical adjustment that must be given room for. This has proven to be far more challenging than I could have ever have imagined.
When you are traveling you are living "presently" while of course planning for the next destination. When you return home, particularly if you have fallen ill as I have, the frenetic planning ceases. In my case, the steadfastness of Maine life is a comfort that is incomparable. And one for which I am extremely grateful. Being on a slow mend, I am allocated to spending a lot of time resting. A year ago I wished for nothing more than a week of uninterrupted rest. Now, every day is a "forced rest" which is quite a contrast to bumping along a dusty road in a rickshaw taking in the raw world around me. So many rich memories for which I am also grateful.
2010- what a year! As I am very much in the midst of processing it, there are thousands of things that come to mind. It's one of those years that seemed to encompass several years. So much changed. As I sit here in front of the wood stove staring out over the snowy bay, I am overwhelmed at the volatility of life. How one day you can be heartlessly plodding your way to a job that you know cannot be what you were made for and then months later you are taking in a world that you feel you are made for yet feel grossly overwhelmed at the thought of that reality. So while I'm stuck in that "now and the not yet", I am grateful for the momentum that pulled me up and out of a life that while "good" was not jiving with something bigger inside my heart.
I reflect back on packing up and moving out of a city that was my home for the greater part of my 30s, and how I really haven't processed much of that. I remember driving north on 93 peering in my rear view mirror for the last look at the Tobin Bridge or the John Hancock Tower. And I acknoweldge, I'm still saying goodbye to a life and city I really loved.
I reflect back on the experiences, stories and people that lead me to a place of "no return" - resulting in the planning and launching-out of an epic adventure to the other side of the world. Reading about the problems and solutions of human-trafficking wouldn't suffice, I needed to see it with my own two eyes. To meet the women, the talk to the intervenors, to observe, to weep, to rejoice, to learn, and to dream.
I reflect back on the white smiles, the deep brown-black eyes, the long black braids, the swirling saris, the dusty sandaled feet, the healed lives, the shared cups of tea, the most earnest prayers, the babies held, the hugs embraced and the many, many inspiring human beings I met along the way. It's all too much. Really.
The raw humanity I experienced in 4 months has left me with a broken heart. Yet not a heart without hope. May it never be. Instead, my hope is full. I have much confidence that the trafficking of human flesh is something that can be ultimately ended. I have seen strong evidence of such. While the process may be long and certainly grueling, this battle is one that the mighty God I believe in is also against. And therefore He gives renewed strength and vision to those who step out and say, "Yes, I will fight".
And so while I wait for the healing, I wait with much anticipation for what my renewed strength and vision will be. Never patient in the waiting, but convinced that this is the only way to go. Expecting something far, far beyond my meager capacity. Sure I can "do" some "things" with my given talents, but this is work that requires something much bigger. I need the Divine in this.
Now, I wrap my blanket tighter around me, beckon my warm orange cat closer to my always cold feet, sip another steaming gulp of tea. Yes, this will be a season of contemplation. A season of mending. A season of healing. A season of learning how to trust Love. A season of learning to receive. A season of entering in to God's rest. And then, well, we cannot fathom! But for today, I have today. And for this slow season, I give thanks.
Before signing off on this eve of Christmas, I want to include this:
I met Sue Ann Heutink in India while volunteering with Made By Survivors. She is a wife, a mother of 2 grown children, grandmother of 4 and lives a contented life in up-state Washington. Last year she read an article about human-trafficking and decided that she couldn't NOT do anything. She too needed to go! And so she joined up with our group of volunteers in Kolkata. I was blessed to have her as my roommate. I just received her Christmas card and I wanted to share a paragraph that was very profound:
"I traveled to Kolkata, India in August to volunteer with The Emancipation Network at shelters housing human trafficking survivors. It opened my eyes to the extreme poverty in the world and underlined the horrendous nature of trafficking. And just experiencing such a different culture, climate and language gives one a different perspective. I am so thankful for life in the USA. Though I was once an orphan like the girls I met at the shelters, I had the opportunity to be adopted, go to school. and have a career I enjoyed for 31 years. I wasn't captive to a caste system that determined my fate. I wasn't held back by male-dominated tradition that limited my education and career options. I didn't end up begging on streets because there was no other way to survive without a male relative to take care of me. I didn't go hungry because there were no social safety nets to provide for basic needs. Though I thought I had long understood that I was fortunate to live and worship in this country, knowing is one thing while experiencing it - even for a few short weeks - is quite another."
I too have a new appreciation for freedoms I have long taken for granted. And for that too, I give thanks.
There is so much for which my heart gives thanks. I am thankful for you all, my friends and family. Those that encourage me along the way. Those that inspire me with your lives. Those that love others and show me how. Those that open up your homes to near strangers. I have so much. And, I have so much to learn. And I'm grateful to have you in the world around me. We're in this together. And for that too, I give thanks.
Peace like a river. Love like an ocean.
